getting nervous

***** UPDATE – So what is it about packing peanuts?  It’s not like we usually have them or buy them or anything.  Last night my Dad went out to my parents yard and saw that one of their big metal screens had blown over in all the wind we have been having and it broke 2 of their huge beautiful pots.  Ugh!  The thing is that my Mom had filled the pots halfway with packing peanuts before she put the dirt in so that they wouldn’t be as heavy to move around.  So, they have packing peauts all over their yard too!  Is this some kind of a sign?  Of what?  I hate the things anyway! ******

I think I am getting really nervous about this adoption.  Yes, I absolutely want to adopt P.  I already love her so much I can’t even stand it.  She is already mine in my heart.  But I am scared.  Scared that I won’t be a good mother.  Scared that I will ruin her or not know what to do.  I am sure that all mom’s go through this before they are about to give birth?  Someone please say this is normal.

I thought I was doing well and was fairly organized.  It’s amazing how that list of little things left to do takes a lot longer than you thought!  I got up really early this morning to tackle my list hoping that I would get everything crossed off today.  ha.  Our dogs, Buggsy and Luna, went to the beauty shop yesterday.  I don’t know why, but as soon as I picked them up I started sneezing.  It progressively got worst through the night.  I took some benadryl and went to bed.  This morning it was terrible and I felt like my throat was closing up.  I took a bunch more benadryl and it is starting to get better.  I decided that maybe I was allergic to the shampoo she used?  or maybe the extra fluff that blows off after they get cut?  Who knows, but I thought it would be best to give them a quick bath with their usual shampoo I know I am not allergic to.  During the bath I dumped a big cup of water on the floor and made quite a mess.  Oh well.  After I was done I went to take out a shipping box to the trash and a big gust of wind came up and blew the box and an entire huge box of packing peanuts blew out all over our yard.  everywhere.  I had forgotten they were in there because the box was closed.  After I got the entire yard cleaned up, I was walking back to the house with my trash bag and another gust came and blew my bag and emptied the peanuts all over the yard again.  Why didn’t I tie the bag?  Good question.  ugh!  My brain is functioning at about 10% capacity right now because of both the benadryl and the adoption.  I think I need to go take a nap.  I think this is all happening because I am just scared.

57 hours until we get on the plane!

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11 Comments on “getting nervous”

  1. Kristin Says:

    OMG! My brain is doing the same exact thing – functioning at about 10%. In two weeks, I’ve missed two important appointments…the forgettfulness is killing me! If I don’t write it down, it’s like it never happened!

    My girlfriend tells me I’ve got “pregnancy brain”, and all women get it in the last 2-3 months of pregnancy. She has 4 kids, so I believe her. She said it causes loss of brain function and FEAR (especially the first time). 🙂 You’re going to be an AMAZING MOTHER! Dont’ think for a second that you’re going to ruin her…she is going to be so lucky to have you as her mommy!

  2. Kelly Says:

    Everyone does this. I did it several times. You will be a fabulous mother!

  3. heather Says:

    As soon as you hold your daughter all of the fear will go away. We never felt like we were holding a girl we didn’t know- we knew her- she was ours-she was made for us and we were made for her. It seriously wasn’t a very hard transition to parenthood! I loved her when I saw her, but when I held her I knew I would do anything for her, and it’s only gotten better every single day we love her more and more.

  4. Mimi Lam Says:

    I am a VN adoption blog lurker, I have been enjoying reading your and others VN adoption journals, your daughter is so lovely with deep shining black eyes, don’t stress out too much, you will enter the motherhood life naturally once she is placed in your arms, all your worries, will be fade away as your love strength grow for her. It will be a lifetime trip, enjoy her country, it is a place throbbing with life, energies, excitement, lovely cultures, and very nice people.

  5. Jen Says:

    I am definitely going through the same thing. It’s “nesting with a vengeance” coupled with crazy anxiety. I have not slept in the last 3 days and I can only see these feelings becoming more intense the closer we get. I am just praying for that magical “something clicked” that mommies talk about when they meet their babies 🙂

  6. Totally 100 % NORMAL Mother Behavior…this is SOOOOOO Normal Sweetie..Dont be so hard on your self!! 🙂

  7. bonny Says:

    Please be assured this is absolutely, completely normal mother behavior! Even though I don’t really ‘know’ you (I’m one of your etsy customers) I’m sure that you will be the absolute best mother you can be, and that will be exactly the mother that your daughter needs. Forget the peanuts, get some rest, take a deep breath, and know that there are many people thinking of you & your family & wishing you much love and happiness.

  8. Bea Says:

    I think its absolutely normal. How would it be if you weren’t worried already? I think that would be more concerning because it is unknown territory. You can only do your best and I’m certain she’ll turn out wonderfully. Once you have her in your arms you’ll forget how worried you were and just remember that you love her so.

  9. lookingforlulu Says:

    so normal. becoming a mom is scary!
    it is just so…HUGE!
    but i am telling you, you will figure it out so quickly. that is the beauty of being in vietnam with
    your family for a few weeks. gives you time to really become a family. and to settle into motherhood.

  10. Carissa Says:

    57 hours til you get on the plane is why your brain is not functioning! Oh I am so happy for you and good luck with the rest of your list!

  11. darcy Says:

    Now you just stop that! You’re going to be the best mom ever…until P is 5 and then you’re going to be the meanest mom ever, taking the title away from me!!! Smiles! Love d

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