Posted tagged ‘emotions’

getting nervous

April 15, 2008

***** UPDATE – So what is it about packing peanuts?  It’s not like we usually have them or buy them or anything.  Last night my Dad went out to my parents yard and saw that one of their big metal screens had blown over in all the wind we have been having and it broke 2 of their huge beautiful pots.  Ugh!  The thing is that my Mom had filled the pots halfway with packing peanuts before she put the dirt in so that they wouldn’t be as heavy to move around.  So, they have packing peauts all over their yard too!  Is this some kind of a sign?  Of what?  I hate the things anyway! ******

I think I am getting really nervous about this adoption.  Yes, I absolutely want to adopt P.  I already love her so much I can’t even stand it.  She is already mine in my heart.  But I am scared.  Scared that I won’t be a good mother.  Scared that I will ruin her or not know what to do.  I am sure that all mom’s go through this before they are about to give birth?  Someone please say this is normal.

I thought I was doing well and was fairly organized.  It’s amazing how that list of little things left to do takes a lot longer than you thought!  I got up really early this morning to tackle my list hoping that I would get everything crossed off today.  ha.  Our dogs, Buggsy and Luna, went to the beauty shop yesterday.  I don’t know why, but as soon as I picked them up I started sneezing.  It progressively got worst through the night.  I took some benadryl and went to bed.  This morning it was terrible and I felt like my throat was closing up.  I took a bunch more benadryl and it is starting to get better.  I decided that maybe I was allergic to the shampoo she used?  or maybe the extra fluff that blows off after they get cut?  Who knows, but I thought it would be best to give them a quick bath with their usual shampoo I know I am not allergic to.  During the bath I dumped a big cup of water on the floor and made quite a mess.  Oh well.  After I was done I went to take out a shipping box to the trash and a big gust of wind came up and blew the box and an entire huge box of packing peanuts blew out all over our yard.  everywhere.  I had forgotten they were in there because the box was closed.  After I got the entire yard cleaned up, I was walking back to the house with my trash bag and another gust came and blew my bag and emptied the peanuts all over the yard again.  Why didn’t I tie the bag?  Good question.  ugh!  My brain is functioning at about 10% capacity right now because of both the benadryl and the adoption.  I think I need to go take a nap.  I think this is all happening because I am just scared.

57 hours until we get on the plane!